The Gayest and Staightest Prompt Evah!
by Sin Muffins
Summary: On their way to get the newest and coolest outfits, Lloyd and his posse run into some rather disturbing pairings. Pairings that no one should ever have to encounter!


A fun little prompt about randumb ToS pairings, every enjoyable. The most funnest thing I have ever done. 8D

WARNING gay pairings ahead, along with straight ones.

Please keep in mind that words like newerest are real words to me. :)

I also enjoy faces, so get over it.

Words I had to use: Kilt, cremation, Girl Scout cookies, and wireless.

Words I could not use: Sex, and bedroom.

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The Gayest (and Straightest) Prompt Evah :)

**Once upon a time there was a group of idiots who tried to save the world. Surprisingly they succeeded! Shocking I know. But that is to the point to this story! No, this story is about the day that everything was very weird for this band of idiots, weirderer than usual.**

"PROFESSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! This is boring!" Lloyd, the brown-headed wonder, said to his former teacher.

"Shut up Lloyd," Raine (or professor) snapped at the young, and stupid, hero. "Nobody cares what you think."

"Actually Raine, for once, I agree with Lloyd. This place is more boring than well, your lectures." Genis said with a sigh.

Raine glared at her younger brother, who quickly backed away.

"Fine if this is so boring, what do you all want to do? It's not like we have any side quests to do. NOooooOO! You guys wanted to do them all when we had to talk to that old elf!" Raine said crossing her arms.

"Wait there is on side quest we have yet to do!" Colette said excitedly.

"What? BS! We did all of the side quests in this game!" Said Sheena with a "PSHH!"

"Nu-uh!" Colette pouted, "We still haven't gotten our Convict Outfits yet!"

"Convict…" Regal said letting his head drop.

"Whatsa Coon-vict?" Lloyd asked with a frown.

"Convict: "a person found guilty of a crime and sentenced by a court" or "a person serving a sentence in prison", sometimes referred to in slang as simply a "con". After a conviction, convicts often become prisoners. Persons convicted and sentenced to non-custodial sentences often are not termed "convicts". An **ex-convict** (or short: **ex-con**) is a person who has been released from prison." Persea said in her monotone voice. Genis blushed.

"W-wow! Y-you're so smart Persea!" Genis exclaimed.

"Smart: a branding cliché (e.g., smart card, smartphone, smart growth) usually referring to integrated electronics or so-called "artificial intelligence" features." Persea stated.

"WOW! COOL! I WANNA BE A CONVICT!!! 3" Lloyd shouted happily.

"Jesus Christ dood, I think you just busted my eardrum." Zelos, who happened to be standing next to Lloyd, mumbled.

"Why the hell would anyone want to be a convict?" Raine shouted throwing her arms up in the air, "You would end up like Regal!"

Regal began to cry.

"Eww," Lloyd paused, "But Professor SaaaAAge! They're just costumes! We won't really be convicts!" Lloyd pleaded.

"Yeah come on Raine! It'll be fun!" Genis smiled pulling out his Bambie eyes, the kind a girl would use to sell a box of Girl Scout cookies.

"Fine whatever let's just go!" Raine said stomping off to the exit. "It's not like we were about to beat the game or anything!" She mumbled to herself.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Lloyd, Genis, and Colette cheered.  
"Come on guys!" Lloyd said, so excited he feared he might wet himself. "Lets gooooo!"

The rest of the group rolled their eyes, and walked off to the exit.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Lloyd said stopping Regal. "And just where do you think you're going?"

"To, uh, get the convict outfit?" Regal said with a shrug.

"No no no," Lloyd said with a little laugh, he wrapped his arm around Regal's shoulders. "See pal, you are already a convict. Therefore you already have a convict outfit."

Regal's eyes began to tear up.

"Therefore, I think it would be in your best interest to stay here. Mkay buddy?"

"Umm, o-"

"Great! We'll see you later!" Lloyd said skipping happily off.

As the rest of his group abandoned him, Regal heard Colette off in the distance asking; "Say what does a convict wear?" and Lloyd answering, "I dunno, a kilt maybe?"

Regal curled up in a ball, all alone in Mithos's big-ass house.

"AHHH! Fresh air, green trees, and the cremation of desians! It can't get much better than this." Lloyd said opening his arms out to the great outdoors.

"Lloyd," Raine said sweetly.

"Yeah-huh?" Lloyd asked turning.

"SHUT UP! D: " Raine said punching Lloyd in da face!

"So how do we get the convict outfit again?" Genis asked Colette.

"Oh it's simple really!" Colette said with a dorky grin, "We just have to commit a serious crime in every town in both worlds!"

"Well that can't be that hard-"

"Then we need to go to the Ice Temple, find a super secret mushroom, find a guy in Izoold who will trade the mushroom in for a wireless laptop, then we need to use that wireless laptop to look ourselves up on the internet, then we have to give the wireless laptop to a poor guy in Mizuho, then we need to go to Triet and turn ourselves in to the police! Then we get the convict outfits!" Colette said happily.

"WOOOOOO! SOUNDS MATHMATICAL!" Lloyd said recovering from the professors' last blow.

Everyone stared at Lloyd for a long long while.

Then…

"Hey Zelos? Who's the chick?" Sheena asked pointing to the blond that was leaning against Zelos.

"Oh this, this is Alyssa!" Zelos said with a grin, "She's my girlfriend!"

"What? Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, why? Are you jealous Sheena?" Zelos asked with his flirty grin.

"How could you have already gotten a girlfriend? We've only been out here a couple minutes!" Sheena exclaimed, ignoring Zelos's last remark.

"Yup, I think you're jealous alright." Zelos said with a nod.

"What me? JEALOUS??" Sheena asked, absolutely pissed.

"Jealous," Persea began," typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and-"

"I know what it means!" Sheena yelled stomping off.

After hours upon hours of walking (their Rheiards were at the cleaners) Colette fell over and said:

"I tired."

Everyone quickly ran over, including Zelos and his new girlfriend Shannon.

"You want me to carry you Colette?" Lloyd asked.

"No, that's okay Lloyd, Noishe just offered to carry me!" Colette said hopping up on Noishe's back.

"What? But, Noishe is a dog!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Uh-huh," Colette nodded, "and the sky is blue, right?"

"Uhh, I think so," Lloyd said scratching his head. "But that's not the point! Noishe can't offer! Noishe can't talk!"

But by that time there was no one there to listen to Lloyd complain, they had all ditched him, including Zelos's new NEW girlfriend Jessica.

After committing crimes in most of the worlds in Tethe'alla, Lloyd couldn't take much more of Colette sweet talking Noishe.

"Alright Colette!" Lloyd said turning around, "Stop molesting my dog!"

"I am not!" Colette pouted, "Besides, he likes it!" Colette said stroking Noishe's ears, Noishe wagged his tail uncontrollably. "He's my special little gumdrop!"

Lloyd stood, mouth agape. "B-but I thought that I was your special little gumdrop!"

"Yeah well…You got replaced!" Colette said with an innocent smile.

Lloyd walked farther away from Colette and his foul dog. He was considering murdering Noishe when he bumped into a tall dark haired woman, with exceptionally large boobs.

"WOAH! Sorry Sheena I-"Lloyd backed away, "Hey you're not Sheena!"

"Lloyd!" Zelos pouted walking up to the Sheena imposter, "Don't go ramming your face into my girlfriend's boobs! Only I can do that!"

"Wait, you got another one?" Lloyd asked utterly confused.

"Duh!" Zelos rolled his eyes, "This is Rosaline, my last girlfriend was Felicity, remember?"

"Uhhh, okay?" Lloyd backed away slowly.

It didn't take much longer for the group of idiots, and Zelos's newer girlfriend Phyllis, to finish committing crimes in every town in Tethe'alla.

"Well I guess we have to move on to Sylvarant now." Raine said checking the map.

"Oh Noishe, you're my special little gumdrop!" Colette cooed from behind.

"Wow, really? Hot damn we're good!" Lloyd said smiling.

"No Noishe, you are!"

"I know right?!" Sheena said gleefully.

"Oh Noishe, you're making me blush!"

"Totally!" Zelos agreed wrapping his arms around Hannah (not Montana), his newest girlfriend.

"Noishe, you make me feel so special!"

"Seriously, we should be on FBI's most wanted!" Genis roared.

"Maybe we ar-"Lloyd began.

"Oh Noishe-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Lloyd yelled turning around furiously.

"Oh, I'm sorry Lloyd, were me and my gumdrop bothering you?" Colette asked innocently, straightening her dress.

"Yes," Lloyd said between sobs, "Yes you are!" )':

"Sorry, won't happen again Lloyd!"

"Yeah whatever," Lloyd said turning around.

"Psst, I think he is jealous," Colette whispered in Noishe's huge ear.

Noishe giggled.

Lloyd muttered a few unpleasant words (a bit too unpleasant for this story) and stomped off to the Professor.

"Hey Professor," Lloyd mumbled crossing his arms.

Raine let out a huge sigh. "Hello Lloyd," she said at last, trying to focus on her map.

"Say Professor, how are we gunna get to Sylvarant? Our Rheiards are at the cleaners!" Lloyd cocked his head.

"Well, we'll have to walk to the Renegade Base, and see if we can borrow a few extra Rheiards," Raine said, trying to figure out a way to walk to the Renegade Base, which happened to be on an island.

"Alrighty then!" Lloyd said rolling up his sleeves in a 'taken' care of business' sort of way. "Let's go!"

So they did.

The band of idiots, including Grace, Zelos's newerest girlfriend, somehow made it to the Renegade Base by foot. Once there they promptly started to search for Yuan.

"Okay guys, once we find Yuan, just let me do the talking," Lloyd said.

"Oh boy, that'll go well," Sheena said rolling her eyes.

Lloyd ignored Sheena and burst into Yuan's office. Yuan jumped up from his chair at once.

"IT WAS KRATOS I SWEAR! I-Hey, what are you freaks doing here?" Yuan asked calming himself down.

"Yuan," Lloyd walked up, "May I call you Yuan?"

"Uh, yeeeeeeah," Yuan said, unsure of what Lloyd was getting at.

"Well Yuan, see we are in quite at bind here, see we need t-"

"WHOA!" Yuan covered his mouth in a very girly manner, "Who is that fine specimen of a man?" Yuan asked pointing at...Genis.

"Uh, that's Genis," Lloyd said with a shrug, "Why do you-OH! I get it. Botta broke up with you didn't he?"

"Botta's dead you idiot!" Yuan snapped, "Besides, your Genis looks so much… finer than my Botta."

Lloyd had to pick his mouth up from the ground. "Say WHAT?"

"You heard me!" Yuan said putting on his flirty face. "Hey Lloyd? Will you introduce me to your cute friend Genis?"

"Only if you give us more Rheiards!"

"Done!"

"HEY GUYS!" Lloyd said prancing up to his group of 'friends'. "GUESS WHAT???"

"What?" Zelos said sarcastically. His most newerest girlfriend Rachel giggled.

"I got us our Rheiards!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"And I got Genis a date with Yuan!"

"WOOOOOO-Wait what?"

"Hey there sweet THANG!" Yuan said popping up behind Genis, smacking him in the ass.

"HOLY GAY MAN!!!" Genis said jumping away. "No way in hell am I going on a date with that fag!" Genis said hiding behind Raine.

"Well fine, then I guess you guys won't be getting any Rheiards!" Yuan said with a "Hmp!"

"Genis didn't mean that!" Sheena said wrapping an arm around Genis's mouth, "He would love to go out with you!"

"Yeah!" Lloyd said nodding, "How's next Saturday night?"

"Alright then, it's a date!" Yuan said walking out of the room, winking a Genis as he walked off.

The group reached Hima not long after leaving the Renegade Base.

"Let's go commit a crime at the inn!" Lloyd said happily. Lloyd skipped merrily into the inn, rainbows forming behind him.

Nobody objected to this, so they all followed Lloyd into the inn.

Once in the inn, they group made their way to the sleeping facilities. It was there that Lloyd and Zelos's new more newerest girlfriends, Iris, were faced with the single most disturbing moment in both of their lives combined.

"D-dad," Lloyd said walking a bit closer, "What are you doing?"

"Just sticking my dick up Kvar's ass," Kratos replied.

And to this Lloyd fainted.

When he awoke neither Kratos nor Kvar were there.

"What happened?" Lloyd asked worried.

"Turns out it was Kvar's twin, Mvar, who we killed, it just so happened Mvar was filling in for Kvar that day we killed him. He and Kratos saw each other at a supermarket a few days ago, settled their differences and well…" Raine didn't need to say any more.

"So I have three daddy's now!!!???!?!?!?!" Lloyd shrieked.

"Uh-huh," Colette smiled, "You're so lucky Lloyd!"

"Say, where's Persea?" Sheena asked completely changing the subject.

"Hmm, I dunno, I haven't seen my little robot in awhile." Zelos said looking around.

"BITCH!" Zelos's new most new newerest girlfriend Helen yelled, "You said I was your little robot!" She marched away, tears burning her eyes.

"Oh well, win some lose some," Zelos said with a shrug.

JUST THEN Persea walked in followed by the Afro guy (the one that lends you the dragons). Only something was askew. They were… holding hands?

"Whoa. What is going on?" Lloyd asked putting his hands on his hips with a smile.

"Well, we met on the hilltop and…" The Afro guy started.

"The. Rest. Is. History." Persea finished.

"Wai-WHAAAAA?" Genis said sobbing.

"He. Makes. Me. Feel. Special." Persea said, her voice almost had some emotion.

"Sp-special???" Genis continued to cry.

"Special: a temporary, arbitrary reduction in the price of regularly stocked goods, esp. food; a particularly worthwhile offer or price: _The special this week is on sirloin steaks._" Persea said.

Not too long after leaving Hima, the group, and Zelos's newer most new newerest girlfriend Tara, decided that being convicts was stupid, and "for poo poo faces". So they went back to Mitho's big-ass house. There they found something very disturbing and shocking on many different levels.

"Hello comrades," Regal greeted them pleasantly from an angel with an exceptionally large nose's lap.

"What is going on?" Sheena asked mouth agape.

"Who is that man?" Zelos said fighting back fits of laughter. His newer more newer newerest girl friend, Claire, patted him on the back.

"This is Père." Regal stated calmly.

"Regal's my boy toy!" Père said with a giggle.

And to this, everyone had to pick their jaws up off of the floor. Then they shot Père in the face.

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You loved it right?

THE END.


End file.
